Help with writing? - kids scuba gear
Although I am not a very good writer, but I need help
Here:
It was an afternoon of hot steam. Hot enough to cook an egg on one side of the road. So, my sister and I decided to spend our days at the pool. We've brought all our diving equipment: fins, swim, and a rubber bag of neon fish. (My sister and I came to the pool like two ...) I (fast), threw the bag color rubber neon fish swim in the pool with other colorful toys in the pool.
parathenses my sister and I are looking for, blah, blah. Can you think of something good, that young children dress up as if it were the pool with goggles and fins and swim giagantic toys and floats on her arms. like cute stuff. Please seriously.
Saturday, January 23, 2010
Kids Scuba Gear Help With Writing?
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It was an afternoon of hot steam. (Image removed). Heat waves have increased even in the streets and buildings seems to have melted. So, my sister and I decided to spend our days at the pool. We brought all of our swim team, fins, floats, goggles and a rubber bag of neon fish. Rachel and I went into the pool like two tourists in Miami Beach Miniature sunglasses in large print our color floral flip-flops and secret. I have the neon-colored fish stocks off the rubber to the pool. They seemed to appreciate the break from the heat. He slid quickly our water wings on his arms and always ran behind them cheering.
ReplyDeleteIt was an afternoon of hot steam. (Image removed). Heat waves have increased even in the streets and buildings seems to have melted. So, my sister and I decided to spend our days at the pool. We brought all of our swim team, fins, floats, goggles and a rubber bag of neon fish. Rachel and I went into the pool like two tourists in Miami Beach Miniature sunglasses in large print our color floral flip-flops and secret. I have the neon-colored fish stocks off the rubber to the pool. They seemed to appreciate the break from the heat. He slid quickly our water wings on his arms and always ran behind them cheering.
ReplyDeleteI'm down in some editions. attentive brackets []. (X denotes the scene. Replace R funds. S is for the suggestion.)
ReplyDeleteWas [R: a steam engine] hot afternoon [,] so hot, it was an egg on one side of the road to cook. [X:] Then, my sister and I [decided to go to A:] the day at the pool. We have [put all our dive -] diving equipment: fins, swim, and a rubber bag of neon fish. [R: Hook] [R: W] appeared in the swimming pool that seems to [A: A couple of] [S: Giant platapuses]. I [R: Hook] hastily launched [R: In .. Bag] neon rubber [-] Goldfish [Pool] [R: where R] Floating [: pool] with the colors of the other [R: Toys] in the pool.
So, what might look like:
It was a night of steaming hot, so hot, it was an egg on one side of the road to cook. My sister and I decided to spend the day at the pool. We've brought all our diving equipment: fins, swim, and a rubber bag of neon fish. We appeared in the pool like a pair of huge platepuses. I quickly threw the neon-colored rubber fish in the pool, WHbefore floating toys with other colors.
BTW, I think it can be written "platepuses be" wrong, so you should be able to verify this. You can also say something like "look as ridiculous as a pair of huge platepuses" instead of (or instead of the ridiculous, perhaps stupid, or whatever word you think would be appropriate).
Also, I think you might want a different word "fast". Press has a sort of bad sign, as would prefer the fish before someone tries to delete or something. Perhaps "convey promptly" to its importance a little better.
Also, I think we can heat other than the egg described on the sidewalk. It is assumed that his story is fictional, you can do something that occurred because of the heat, where does the story. For example:
"It was a night of steaming hot, so hot that the floor was burning the soles of bare feet.
so complete, that is what I say:
"It was a hot steamIn the afternoon, so hot that the floor was burned the soles of bare feet. My sister and I decided to spend the day at the pool. We've brought all our diving equipment: fins, swim, and a rubber bag of neon fish. We appeared out in the pool, as ridiculous as a pair of huge platepuses. I immediately threw the neon-colored rubber fish in the pool floating toys with other colors. "
I do not want to change the story, but I thought I could give you some pointers. let me know if you have further questions. Hope this helps! nice story btw, I had a lot of things with him.
I have no idea, but you know that (swim neon strong) in the fish bag color rubber in the pool with other colorful toys in the pool set up.
ReplyDeleteHe used two tanks so close. You can fix this problem.
And you can try to tropical fish, diving, or for the comparison
Here's how to change their story ...
ReplyDeleteIt was a hot day, humid, a record pounds. You can cook an egg on the sidewalk like warm. My sister and I decided that was enough, and went into the center of the community pool. We have a variety of art and with our water wings, floats and goggles and a rubber bag of neon fish, they seemed willing to immersion of the National Geographic! "Foreigners, foreigners!" exclaimed a boy, he ran behind the chair of the mother. We looked at each other and laughed at his answer, only what they want cool and fun.
How about the "exotic creatures.
ReplyDeleteJust a thought>
How about the "exotic creatures.
ReplyDeleteJust a thought>